what I can handle

I remember failing a math text in 6th grade because I had changed schools. In my old school I'd been doing some basic algebra with x's and y's and so on, and the first week in the new school the teacher handed out a sheet of long addition and subtraction. I flunked because I didn't understand some numbskull word they used to refer to the numbers--some invented term that mean which one was on top or something. It had nothing to do with whether or not I could add and subtract. That experience kept coming back to me this morning. Let's hope it was nerves creating false parallels to reality. Anyway, after three hours of struggle, I came up against a wall. I cannot do any more work. I cannot. I am going to go stark raving screaming insane if I have to read another article at this particular moment. I have been in the office twelve hours a day for the past--I don't remember how many days. What I really want to do this afternoon is go to the gym, make something to eat, and listen to Prairie Home Companion while I knit.

What is it about knitting that makes it such a relief? Today, my theory is that knitting is something I can handle. It's at human scale, in fact, my scale. (Being short, not everything human is in my scale. Most kitchen cupboards, for instance). I don't have problems interpreting knitting patterns. I don't have problems remembering knitting patterns or techniques. It's odd that my brain seems to have such a huge variance in the kinds of information it can remember. Historical dates don't stick in my head, but I can remember images of sweaters I would like to knit that are in books I haven't opened in years. When I knit, I am not plagued by mistakes and inadequacies. Not that I'm a great knitter, it's just that... I guess I'm good enough for me. I feel competent with yarn and competency is a feeling I heartily need right now.

As of right now I'm also starting an exercise in patience. I ordered the book (see previous post) that has that scrumptious crossed in translation sweater in it. By the photos, it seems to have other luscious things too. Expected delivery, first days of February (I think it's actually being shipped from Japan!). It will be a reward for surviving January. Something to look forward to.

And finally--please don't laugh--many months ago Mom and friend bought me a ticket to Tortola at the end of the month. I didn't really take it seriously but now departure is less than two weeks away. Tortola = heat + humidity + sun + beach = NO WORK = knitting time. But not wool (humidity variable very high). Therefore, I have an excuse to ruminate about a lovely cotton project to bring with me. From stash, of course. Maybe I can resurrect one of the lovely lace cardigans I wanted so much a couple years ago. I may not be able to remember historical dates, but I bet I can arrange a new knitting project without much trouble.

Comments

[Emily]

Good luck with the work. Just remember that it probably isn't as bad as you think it is, and it will all be over soon. Hopefully it all looks a bit better after a few hours of knitting.

[diana]

Ooo, I love the crossed in translation sweater and I'm glad that you're going to be having some down time soon!

[June]

Keep breathing! Sometimes I found it useful to set a timer - work for 40 min, knit for 15, etc. It helped to know that there was a definite end to the work session and that I could look forward to a reward at the end.